Some Germans

I'm just a long-term tourist in Germany, though I've worked and lived here for over two years; what I am is an American girl blessed enough to enjoy my lifelong dream and learn the language of my forefathers while I'm at it. 

While here, and being the observant American, I notice many differences between "us" (people from the USA) and "them" (Germans). As always, I'd like to share my observations with you. 

Again, please note that what is written below are only my thoughts about this country. Because these insights are so specific to what I've experienced, my statements certainly don't encompass all Germans. Some things may also apply to other Europeans, like the Swiss, who are also known to be "particular." 

Some things just have to be written about, because I have to get them out, and because I am the poor soul lucky and unfortunate enough to know some of the most exemplary and stereotypical Germans one could ever meet. Among those people and others I've observed in my daily life in Deutschland, there are a lot of common traits. I've listed some here.

Germans are difficult to befriend. There is a saying that Germans are like coconuts, hard on the outside and -- after you crack their tough exterior -- sweet on the inside. Initially, most Germans I have met are not as friendly as "we" are, but there are exceptions to that rule. I have some very dear friends who have been kind from the get-go. My best friend here is the most helpful and generous person I've met! My former roommate Katharina is the smiliest person I've met in Germany -- she bubbles over. I suppose that if you meet a German that doesn't warm to you, they, like anyone else, are not destined to be your friend.

Germans are practical -- praktisch. The German I live with mixes the dishwashing liquid with water using a 1:4 ratio because the soap is "too strong" and comes out thicker than he'd like. It dribbles down a plate in a glob, and he hates that. He's also saving money. We all know that dishwashing liquid is a very expensive commodity, right? So what do I do when I need dishwashing liquid? I give many extra squirts to get the soap I'm entitled to, or I squeeze the bottle into a dirty pan or bowl until suds begin to form. 

Another note: when it comes to many things Germans do, including riding a bicycle or falling in love, they must be practical. Carelessness and lightheartedness do not belong; there is a logical viewpoint for every action undertaken by a German. Being leichtsinning (reckless) myself, I don't care much for practical. I tend to combat the ridiculous logic whenever I can.

Outside the front door of our Wohnung are three (count 'em - 3) doormats. These three doormats are not enough, however. A towel is also required for the wiping of the feet and the absorption of mud and water. Additionally, if you have wet shoes, they must remain outside, withstanding the weather until the leather peels and the rubber cracks. Does it look unsightly having a mismatched, old, crinkled-up towel topping your plain, practical doormats? Might a pile of dried-up shoes turn guests away? Yes, but what is more important -- aesthetics, or a shockingly-clean fake wood (Parkett) floor? There will be NO chaos in a German home, no sir.

Note: I do NOT do the decorating

Germans are direct. Before I even came over to Germany, my German Freundin Karin articulated how Germans can be alarmingly direct. She is not shy about stating loudly her feelings when someone she sees is not attractive, or a Germanfest is not held according to her standards. My stepfather, who grew up in the U.S. but is of German ancestry, is also too direct for my tastes. Did I ask for their opinions? No, but Germans will tell you anyway. Sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is not. Just beware that Germans don't beat around the bush like we do. 

Germans are intelligent. In addition to being practical, most every German I've met is smart. Most seem extensively knowledgeable about many different things. There are endless documentaries on the television every day about everything and everywhere you can imagine. These documentaries bring the world to Germany. Further, news agencies don't just show what's happening in this country; they show the whole planet. This and all the available knowledge on television gives Germans a more global perspective, and that is very good, in my opinion. 

Adding to the smartness, I've never seen a misspelled word in anything written by a German, including e-mails, street signs, billboards, or even handwritten price tags at the fruit stand. If only we could say the same about ourselves. Is it our education system or simply the English language that makes many of us Americans such poor spellers? That is a question for somebody's doctoral thesis. 

Germans also have a large vocabulary. There are specific and numerous words for everything you can imagine, and things you didn't know existed. The German dictionary is one of the largest on earth, and there are suitable terms for each and every situation. Intelligent Germans are familiar with these words and are able use them.

Germans are formal. In written correspondence and e-mail, there is a proper form for addressing your co-workers, administrators, and strangers. When you don't know someone or they are a work colleague, they are referred to as Sie -- the formal version of the word "you." There are some people you can work with or know quite well, like my boss, who will always be Sie, and he calls me Sie as well. It is a matter of respect. If you violate the norms, you appear inept. There is a proper distance held by Germans with this formal mode of address, but it dates back in history, and therefore, I like it. Like many other things here, proper decorum is not lost to time and convenience.

Don't call us, we'll call you (back). When a German telephones your Handy, do they leave a message? Rarely. This puzzles me. Obviously, they don't care if you return their call if they don't leave a voice message, or they assume you will call back, because you can see that they phoned. 

Who phoned? If someone out there calls me, I don't have their number memorized. It could be anyone. It could be someone I don't want to talk to. It could be a realtor (I'm currently looking for apartments for reasons stated elsewhere in this blog entry). Do they leave a message? Nope. It is just assumed you will call back. Of course if it's one of your contacts, okay, you will see their name. But if it's a new number? I don't know who started this neglectful telephoning, but I find it very impractical, you Germans. Leave a message!

The Starers and the Scowlers. Out in the German world, there are many people who make it their duty to stare. This staring has diminished somewhat from when I first arrived in the country, but many German people -- especially those aged 70 and up -- stare at me. One day recently I was riding my bicycle in the woods, and two younger people about my age, having just finished their jog, stopped their conversation and stared at me as I rode by. Am I so striking they need to gawk at me steadily until I glare back? What is wrong with my clothes this time? Are my shoes dirty? Do I exude the essence of American, or what? Am I a curiosity? How am I so different from them that they must stare at me? Didn't their mothers ever teach them not to stare? It is so rude and so offensive. If someone stares at me, I usually mutter something offensive after I pass them, but that won't help. I think someone needs to get over here and hold an etiquette class on the matter. 

Then there are the scowls. Scowls on bicycle riders (though rare). Scowls on drivers' faces. Scowls on elderly people. Never have I seen so many unhappy people waiting by shopping carts in front of grocery stores. They are frumpy, hunched over, and scowling. The corners of their mouths hang down. The scowling makes me wonder if these people are a product of a country stricken by two wars in the last century, or if they simply don't get enough sunshine. Another thesis theme.

Aha -- perhaps I know why they stare -- I walk happily around the neighborhood or into the grocery store, perhaps smiling for no reason. There is a spring in my step, and I don't scowl. In America, we tend to acknowledge people around us, and smile or nod as a greeting, especially to older people, out of courtesy. However, at this point, I could become a scowler. After all, I live with a grumpy German, and that takes the smiles away one Schimpf at a time.

Germans do it better? There are many things that nobody can do as well as a German. They are experts in chemistry, engineering and car-making. Their economy is good, and the country is well-run. The German culture has been around for a long time, and they're very good at almost everything: not just beer and pretzels. 

Certain Germans try to make me feel as if my whole life I've been doing everything the wrong way. For example, a German guest might clean up the dishes from a table where I am the hostess, though at their house I am not allowed to touch plates or coffee cups. Every day I am given orders and reminders about how to close windows, drive my car, use the clutch, dress myself, eat, use electricity, put groceries away, place something in the refrigerator, wash the dishes, write e-mails, spend money, use cleaning supplies, hang clothes, and take a shower. Thankfully no German has told me how to wipe my ass after I use the toilet. 

Though life is very good here, one can also see that living among German can be very stressful. 

How does one handle all this stress? Well, yet another thing Germans are very good at is making wine. One glass is just enough to swoosh the Germanness out of my mind and return me to my former, reckless, American state. When one glass doesn't work, try three, or some delicious German Schnapps. Ahhhhhh... Then be yourself, because variety, as they say, is the Gewürz of life.