Two Years in Germany

Today, May 31, is the anniversary of my arrival in Germany.

Two years ago today, tired but relieved, I landed at the Frankfurt Airport in the bright sunshine after an all-night flight. I proceeded to the trains with five bags in tow: two large and heavy suitcases, a small suitcase, and two collapsible bags jam-packed with belongings. There are escalators to be mastered at the airport, and a darker-skinned, good-looking, 30ish businessman in a snappy 3-piece suit helped me climb aboard the moving stairwells as I neared my train to Mannheim. Thanking him profusely, I asked how one says "gentleman" in German. Gentleman, replied the man, and I thanked him again. 

After clunking aboard the train to Mannheim surrounded by my baggage, I took the tram (Strassenbahn) toward the city of Viernheim in the state of Hessen. This is where I would work, at an international school I had applied to only three months earlier. Unfortunately, the tram stopped about 5 kilometers from my destination station, and I would have remained aboard and gone back the other way, had another kind stranger not told me to aussteigen. Oy vey, another lugging of the suitcases, off the tram, all five at once, crossing the tracks, looking for my ride to a place I'd never been. 

Finally I made it to the Viernheim Bahnhof, or main station, which no longer caters to bigger trains but rather only streetcars, buses, and taxis. Oddly, no cabs were there this time of day. Worse, I had no cell phone with which to phone anyone.  Two women with a stroller walked by, and I asked to borrow their cell phone. Up to this point, everyone was very nice, and I had remained exceedingly calm. How could I help but not be happy?! I was delirious with exhaustion, about to start a new adventure and fulfill my lifelong dream: living in Germany.

After arriving at the Schwyzerhuesli (hotel) and getting help from the owner lugging my stuff to the third floor (now I  realize why they call it "luggage"), I took a shower and a sizable nap. Ahhhh. Then I went out to look for a grocery store, snacks, bottled water and a prepaid telephone card for my old, reliable Blackberry. After walking around for at least two hours, getting lost, and going back to the hotel for directions again, I found the neighborhood Penny supermarket. It was right down the street. I had simply turned left instead of right, one time too many. Duh. But I'm not so sure I understood the German directions from the hotel staff in the first place.

Now I had a cell phone, and the hotel had wifi, so I could communicate again. I contacted one of my favorite people in the world first thing. Shortly thereafter, he -- my muy super bueno Swiss amigo -- called to welcome me to Europe, and it was one of the best phone calls I've ever gotten. 

He told me, "Cross your arms." I did. Then he said, "Cross them the other way." I did. "That's how it is being in a new country," he told me. It is not familiar, but it doesn't hurt, either. I would get used to it.

Indeed, it felt great to be on a new continent -- not visiting this time, but living and soon to be working. And now? It has become my home.

Yes, I remember that first day in Germany with clarity. I even remember the decor in my hotel room, and the lovely Dachfenster that I could peer out of, German skies all around. Now, exactly two years later, I've thought a little about what I've accomplished since I landed in Germany. 

I've eaten many pretzels and sausages... countless. (Of course my tally has to begin with food.) I've eaten lots of other things I would have never eaten before, such as Schweinehaxen and delicious, fresh Leberwurst from the butcher. I've grown addicted to pumpkin seed rolls from the bakery around the corner, and the Anatolien Turkish man makes the best Bauernsalat, Döner and French fries in a 50-kilometer radius. 

I've seen over 20 castles, and I've climbed up to most of those, touching their ancient stone walls with my comparably young hands. I even have favorites. There are many more to see. I've resided in three different "castles" of my own -- first a room above a kindergarten in Heidelberg, where I met many other nice teachers, then my own rooftop apartment in Weinheim with wonderful views, and now in a house in Viernheim with a garden and a fish pond. 

I've purchased an automobile, and I am driving on the Autobahn, and other roadways in Germany to boot, with nary an accident. I recognize what (most of) the street signs mean. I don't get lost very often anymore. I understand at least half of German radio news. I know which TV channels are educational and which are Scheisse, which are entertaining, and which show American programming (auf Deutsch, unfortunately). 

Now I know where the best grocery stores are in my neighborhood. I have a contract telephone plan with my new Blackberry. I have a much better job than the one I came here for, in a professional working environment with some very nice people who are a lot like me. I have a boss I respect, and who kisses me on the cheek from time to time. That's not sexual harassment in Germany. 

I've celebrated two Thanksgivings, two Halloweens (one alone -- BOO hoo), and one Christmas in Germany. I've gone to Weihnachtsmärkte in different towns, and I've drunk Glühwein at all of them. I made it to Oktoberfest last fall one day, and I even squeezed into a table with many other people for one delicious beer. I've drunk many, many bottles of locally-made wine -- it's kind of a necessity -- and I've eaten many, many pieces of Swiss and German chocolate.  

I've flown to England, Ireland and Italy since I've been here, but I really ought to go more places. I've been to Strasbourg, France, but I should really visit Poland, Switzerland, and other neighboring countries as well. I've been to the USA thrice in two years, and I'm going back again soon.

View from the path up to the Heidelberger Schloss, where I got news I was a grandmother on the 4th of July

I became a grandmother while here; specifically, it was on the 4th of July, just over two months after I arrived. At the time, I was touring the Heidelberg castle with an American friend. Somehow, the birth of such an amazing baby and the views in that spectacular place went together quite well. Sadly, I couldn't combine everything into one, due to geography. 

I've met many people, made some truly wonderful friends from all over the world, obtained a German boyfriend, ran a 5K, and am training for a 10K. The first item in that sequence is the most challenging of all, but I'm muddling through. Challenges are my specialty. 

I've learned lots and lots of German: many more words than Herr Moffat could teach me in high school and my German professor didn't have time to cover in college. However, there is soooooooo much more to learn, and I'm still just a novice compared to my German peers.

My biggest achievement might be maintaining my sanity in this country, though it has been tested (especially during these Wechseljahre). Adapting to life here -- something that seemed impossible when I first arrived -- does not seem so difficult now. 

There have been instances one might term "out-of-body experiences." These take place when I can't believe the things that I am doing, in a good way. At times like these, it is like I am not in my own body, and German life is moving too fast for my brain and consciousness to catch up. I do things I never imagined I would. For example, when I was sitting with a real estate agent and my soon-to-be landlords in their well-appointed living room, reading over a German lease and speaking limited German, pretending to understand most of what I was hearing, my mind balked at the scene and laughed to itself. You're actually doing this? I asked myself. Yes, I was. Incredible.

There have been several of those experiences, it's true, and I enjoyed them. Unglaublich! 

Remember, though -- nothing is ever too overwhelming. One can grab a glass of good German Rotwein with which to mull things over, or take a long walk in the beautiful German countryside or an old city. Grab a Lindt Williams candy bar to nosh on in times of stress, or call a friend. Truly, no German problem is too difficult to overcome, because I have so many great friends, and a wonderful family back home that I can visit when Germany needs a break from me, and vice versa. Das Leben ist gut. 

Happy Anniversary to me!

Wörterbuch / Dictionary

auf Deutsch - in German
aussteigen - deboard, climb off (trains, etc.)
Bahnhof - train station
Bauernsalat - farmer's salat (lots of fresh vegetables)
Döner - Turkish sandwich like a Greek gyro, served in flatbread with meat and sauce
Das Leben ist gut - Life is good.
Glühwein - hot, spiced wine
Leberwurst - liverwurst
Rotwein - red wine
Scheisse - shit
Schweinehaxen - pig's shank
Strassenbahn - streetcar/tramunglaublich - unbelievable
Wechseljahre -  menopause
Weihnachtsmärkte - open air Christmas markets

German Grocery Shopping

One of the best things about grocery shopping in Germany is the cost of food. You can subsist on 20 euros a week if you have to, or less. When I was first here and times were tougher, I did just that. Müsli, Kaffee, Äpfel, and Milch with perhaps a small loaf of healthy bread and some cheese and butter can be acquired for under 10 euros, and with that, you have almost all the food groups plus morning energy in a cup for the office. With a few more bucks you can get tortillas, chicken or pork, nuts, a good cucumber, and some Zaziki to top your homemade Döner.

Notably, in every grocery store I've been to, the chocolate aisle is the longest and most varied. Therefore, supplies are endless. You can choose from fine chocolates such as Lindt and Hachez or buy store brand bars to satisfy your Schoko cravings. There are so many choices, and chocolate is an art here. Around holidays, you will find special displays -- in addition to the long rows of chocolate -- filled with chocolate frogs, bugs, Weihnachtsmänner, and bunnies. Chocolate is important and everywhere; this is definitely a country that has its priorities in order. 

Be prepared with a few of your own reusable grocery bags for your Lebensmittel, because most stores charge you 20 cents to buy a plastic bag. This is for good reason: supplying the bags is costly, and there is way too much plastic floating around in our oceans. You can put your groceries in one of your bags as you shop, if you don't have too much to buy. Many people in Germany arrive at stores with their own large bags or even small trolleys for carrying their purchases home (from any store) -- even the men. 

Grocery carts are not free for customers. You must put one euro or a plastic token in the slot provided on the cart handle. For this reason perhaps, there aren't too many homeless German people pushing grocery carts around.

When you check out at the cashier, be prepared to move quickly. Many Germans are not patient when it comes to standing in line. It's incredible how some people will rudely glare at you and stand very close to you to hurry you through the line. (Out of necessity, I have my elbow ready to jab them when they get too close.) Others will cut in front of you in line -- the courtesy you might experience at home is much less common here. Checking out is harried, because the cashiers are quick, especially at ALDI, where they swipe and scan your items so fast you don't have time to put what you've bought into your bag or cart. 

It seems that the people who have the most time -- retired or elderly people -- are the ones who are in the biggest hurry. Perhaps they've lived long enough to have stood in bread lines during or after the war, I don't know. There are exceptions of course, but a lot of older German people are pushy. 

One day at a store in Heidelberg, the one cashier open had a long line, so a new cashier was opening. A woman at the very end of the other line rushed in front of three other people who were waiting for the new cashier, including myself. The woman who led us three told the other woman, "I was waiting in line." The rude woman said, "Well, I was waiting in a line, too." I looked at the man in front of me, who was kind enough to offer to let me go in front of him, but I said no thank you and that some people WERE NOT VERY NICE in a voice that grew steadily louder, so the bitch could hear. What did she do after she purchased her one item that was so important she had to cut in front of three other people? She stood at an empty counter nearby, reading the store's advertising brochure. I almost walked over to tell her what I really thought, but hopefully she heard me the first time. 

Bagboys? Non-existent. You bag your groceries yourself. What Germans do if they have many items is simply put them back into the cart after the cashier has scanned the items, then they bag them on a counter or table nearby after paying. This is all for speed and efficiency (rushing and impatience) in the checkout line. Once, when I had a lot of groceries spread out on the belt and I was slow to put them in my cart, I had to explain to the cashier that I am American, and I do things differently. She was understanding. 

Yes, grocery shopping in Germany can be fun, if you ignore the pressure at the checkout line. There are so many new foods to discover and try out (especially in the chocolate section). 

Wörterbuch/Dictionary
Äpfel  - apples
Döner  - a Turkish fast food like a gyro -- flatbread stuffed with meat and toppings
Kaffee - coffee
Lebensmittel - groceries
Milch - milk
Müsli - granola
Schoko - short for Schokolade, or chocolate
Weihnachtsmänner - literally "Christmas men". Der Weihnachstmann is Santa Claus.
Zaziki - a Greek sauce made from yogurt, with garlic and cucumber

Trivial Things to Note About Life in Germany

It's hard to find a good taco in Germany... unless you make them yourself.

These are just a few helpful little tidbits things I've noticed about Germany and can remember at this very moment. Don't come to Germany expecting to find good tacos, German chocolate cake, or Sloppy Joes while you drive as fast as you can on the Autobahn. It's not what you're thinking. 

• It's bad luck to celebrate birthdays early, or even wish someone "happy birthday" before their birth date. Afterward is okay, but before -- nein.
• You have to bring your own cake to share on your birthday. Others do not provide it for you, unless they're your mother or aunt and they bake better. Sometimes, there are a choice of cakes, especially at some children's birthday parties, for particular Germans. You can have a piece of each!
• Buy hamburger or Hackfleisch freshly ground from a butcher. Do not buy it from a grocery store. Supposedly, grocery store burger stinks and is poor quality with added preservatives. I don't notice any difference, but if you listen to certain Germans, they won't eat ground beef unless it comes from a butcher. 
• Hackfleisch is ground meat. Sometimes it's mixed beef and pork. If you want good ground beef, be sure to ask for Rinderhackfleisch. 
• White asparagus must be peeled before you cook it. It's not like green asparagus, where you just cut off the tips and steam or saute it. Don't learn that the hard way. You'll be chewing an awfully long time.
• No one is going to bag your groceries. You do all the bagging yourself. In fact, you do all the bagging AFTER you go through the check out line, AFTER you pay, and AFTER you walk away with your cart. There are counters and bagging areas past the cashier, on the way to the exit. Attempting to bag your own groceries before this will only result in you getting rushed by the German in line behind you, or you'll get weird looks from the cashier. (I bag my groceries quickly in my own shopping bag, as fast as they can scan them, but with a big grocery list, this is impossible.)
• It costs one euro to borrow a grocery cart (they're not free). You get your euro back when you return the cart.

You can't find this cake in Germany

• German Chocolate -- the main ingredient in the famous American cake with coconut and pecan frosting -- does not exist here. Chocolate made in Germany is just chocolate, albeit very good. German Chocolate in German Chocolate Cake is an extra sweet chocolate developed by an American man whose last name was "German." Really!
• When asked to smile for a picture, a German will ask you to say "spaghetti". 
• Germans eat a lot of spaghetti, in my experience, which is surprising. It is many a German child's favorite food, according to my research, and adults eat plenty of it as well.
• You can go to prison for sporting a swastika. Das ist verboten. 
• Peanut butter and popcorn kernels are not that easy to find in a grocery store. Popcorn is mostly of the sweetened variety. Salzig is less common. 
• You won't get ice in your cup at the movies. Don't even try. 
• At a fast food restaurant such as Burger King or McDonald's, you won't get a full cup of ice, but rather a few cubes. Ask for extra ice, and you may get 10 cubes, if you're lucky. I gave up a long time ago.
• Sekt is the German version of champagne. 
• There are speed limits on portions of the Autobahn -- it's not a racing free-for-all like we are led to believe. Speed limits aren't everywhere, but when they exist, they usually range from 70 to 120 kph (45 to 75 mph). 

• Germans use English cusswords more liberally than Americans do. The F and S words come from the mouths of middle school students, but adults often make them part of their everyday language as well. The German word for "crap" is Mist. Nice, eh?
• I can't say whether it's nationwide, but in this part of the country, Germans drink a shot of tequila with cinnamon and orange instead of lime and salt. Komisch.
• There's no such thing as a Sloppy Joe. Schade.

Wörterbuch

Das ist verboten. - That is forbidden. 

Hackfleisch - ground meat (pork and/or beef)

Komisch - strange

Mist - crap

Nein - no

Rinderhackfleisch - ground beef 

Salzig - salty

Schade - shame

Sekt - sparkling wine

Buying a Car in Germany

I bought a car. 

First of all, let me say that I didn't really need a car. I could continue to ride on the Strassenbahn every day, 57 minutes each way from here to Heidelberg and back for work. Though riding the tram so often and for so long subjects me to all the wicked German viruses my body can't fight without German antibiotics and is basically like a glorified city bus with a lot more people, one definite plus is I could finish reading 247 books in a year. But that may be the only positive, other than saving lots of money. But who needs money?Life is short.

Ah, the car.

Once secured financially, it was time to start shopping. I began reading the Sunday newspaper Anzeigen and storming various German search engines, such as autoscout24.de, mobile.de, and quoka.de. With the internet, you can hone your search to car makes and models, years, mileage (kilometerage), interior color, exterior color, number of seats, number of previous owners, type of transmission, number of doors, usw. You can also buy a car on ebay.de, if you find one you like and it's not too far away. I looked everywhere I could, from the comfort of my couch.

Soon I discovered that perhaps it is not so easy to buy a car in Germany. Everything is closed on Sundays, and people don't answer their telephones, because it's a day for doing nothing. But again, thanks to the internet and all my e-mails, I was getting a few responses. By that time, many cars were already sold. Also, I had a German consultant standing by, telling me what to buy and what not to buy, in a not so gentle manner. Ah, the Germans. 

She's a beaut!

Naja, after three visits to used car lots, many hours of searching, pining and pinging, sending e-mails to sellers, and making arrangements via telephone, I landed my beautiful blue Opel. It felt surprisingly easy after all was said and done. I think I got a fantastisch deal: a 4-door beauty with only 88,000 km (about 54,000 miles) for less than 3,000 euros (about $4,000). It was the best choice. 

My new used vehicle is actually classified as a Kleinbus. No matter what it is, it has an engine, gas pedal, stick shift, and a stereo, so it will work for me. It even has a DVD-Spieler. Besides, I'm an Oma now, and driving mini-vans seems to be my latest trend. It's all good: these types of vehicles are roomy, and you can pack kids, luggage, dogs and men over 6 feet tall into them quite easily. All of those things are important.

The process for registering a vehicle is a bit different than in the U.S. For example, if you want "personalized" plates, you order them in a shop right next door to the driver's license bureau, or Verkehrsbehörde. Mine were still warm from the stamping machine when I paid for them; it took no more than two minutes! You must remember, however, that your plates must include the letters that designate what region you live in. Sometimes, it can be hard to form words with the letters you're given, but it's possible. 

This person from Kaiserslautern chose to be klug (smart)

Though Germany seems more crowded than some American cities where I've lived, their department of motor vehicles was not. We drew # 44 from the ticket machine at the information desk, and it took about 40 minutes of waiting time and then just about 10 minutes to perform all the tasks we needed to: choosing a license plate number, giving bank information for the Steuer payment to the tax office, removing the old stamps from the old plates on the car (souvenirs for me), running next door to get my new plates stamped, and paying the cashier for the services rendered. It was quite painless, and I even managed some German small talk for practice while I waited.

Now the real test begins: driving my German car in German traffic with German street signs, while listening to German radio and perhaps making more German small talk.

Wörterbuch

Anzeigen - (classified) ads
DVD-Spieler - DVD player
fantastisch - amazing, fantastic
Kleinbus - mini-van, small bus
klug - smart
naja - oh well
Oma - grandma
Steuer - tax(es)
Strassenbahn  - streetcar, tram, light rail train
usw. - short for und so weiter  -- and so forth (etc.)
Verkehrsbehörde - literally "traffic agency", department of motor vehicles

Germany and Soap

By no means am I an expert on anything that I write about, and German soap -- Seife -- is yet another thing over which I can only opine. And observe. And puzzle.

What leads me to this discussion on something so simple, so necessary, so helpful? Whelllllll... I scrubbed the kitchen floor one day. However, in the house where I live, there is an ever-reigning Saubernazi who is never satisfied with any cleaning I do -- or any cleaning anyone has ever done (besides himself). When I proudly stated I had cleaned the Küchenboden, he predictably asked what I had used on the floor.

"Soap and water," was my simple response. Mom did it. I do it, too, when necessary. It's what you do when you don't have other resources, such as a maid's cart or a bucket full of chemicals. For the tile floor in our house, I mixed just a little bit of organic, "natural," fine-smelling grapefruit dishwashing liquid (made in Germany!) with hot water in the kitchen sink.

Yes, soap and water: the most elemental of household cleaning supplies.

"Was?!?!" (pronounced "VOSSSSSS????!!!!") was the response I got. First of all, I had replied in English, so that didn't start things off so well, especially after I was already in trouble for cleaning something.

"Seife und Wasser," I replied a bit more mildly, knowing that the chord had already been struck.

Oh, boy. Here it comes.

"Was??!!??!!"

And the ranting and raving began. There was floor cleaner in the cabinets. Hadn't I looked? The Putzteufel began storming about the house, searching through cupboards,  trying to lure me into following him so he could show me, anxious to yank out a bottle of some high-powered, specialized German floor cleaner.

Seife und Wasser?

Ach, I had done it all wrong. The floor was now sticky (even though he hadn't even touched it). All kinds of floating stuff in the air would land there. It was now filthier than before I began, if you can believe that. Unholy. Tainted. Utterly ruined. The American had once again made the fatal mistake of doing some housework. Soap and water would never do. No, never.

Well, I'll tell you, I wasn't going back to do it again. The pressure he was exerting did not bother me in the very least. I was used to it. Besides, I had just cleaned that dang floor by hand on my knees -- twice -- with an old towel (in the absence of a mop, because for some reason we have NO mop and NO broom in the house). Wringing the towel out in the sink with my bare hands, getting in touch with the kitchen spillage and crumbs, seeing the results of my labor in the murky water... now that was satisfying. And not unlike Cinderella. Luckily for him and on my own accord, I even cleared some of the long-term dirt and grime out of the ribs of the kitchen radiator. In my opinion, the floor was so clean, so sparkling, so perfect, I would eat a little Würstchen off of it.

But soap and water is not good enough! Not in Germany. Here, cleaning -- like many things -- is so much more complicated.

So my excuse could be that I have trouble reading German labels. Herr Moffat had never taught us the words for different household cleaners in high school Deutsch. All I knew was the word "Seife."

A Putzteufel. Looks like mine!

Initially, my practical experience with German soaps took place when I moved into shared living quarters with another teacher upon arrival, named so because we were on the 2nd floor atop a kindergarten, not in a "real" apartment. The day I arrived, I had to move and remove desks and chairs made for little people and turn the former classroom into a place to sleep. My temporary roomie KK -- who also worked at the kindergarten -- and I shared our bathroom and kitchen with the teachers from the school down below, who would come up to make toast and coffee on weekdays. It was a pleasant arrangement, and the girls were very nice. We also shared the laundry room deep underground, in the Keller of the three-story Haus.

Ach mein Gott, where to begin?

It was there in that basement I first had to identify any kind of soap. But it wasn't so easy to spot. There were cleansers and fabric softeners, solvents and sanitizers -- many different clear plastic bottles on the rack close to the washing machine, filled with differently-colored liquids. Where would I start?

The labels were of no help, because the words were 3 to 5 syllables long. Voll-Waschmittel? Was ist das? I'd only just arrived in the country and couldn't understand any of it with my limited German vocabulary. I took a chance on a bottle of pink liquid, and my clothes smelled clean after -- maybe too clean. Had I used too much? Never mind the number of hours it took for the washing machine to do my load (German washers can go for hours!).

Later, when grocery shopping, I purchased a bottle of strong-smelling fabric softener -- Weichspüler. I didn't know what it was until afterward, when there was a sort of residue on the clothes, and they never seemed very clean. Well, at least they had gotten rinsed. 

I still didn't know what the word for laundry soap was. Did I bother to ask my roommate? Nah... I would have to be stupid if I couldn't figure out something so simple. It was easy, right? Not true. I still don't know all the words for soap that exist here in Germany.

Now that I think about it, I suppose it's no easier back home for a foreigner. Different words for soap in English aren't so simple either. We have dishwashing liquid, laundry detergent, fabric softener (those all happen to be 5 syllables long as well). Something so simple has become so complex.

One thing that may help -- something I just learned today: Seife is only for the body. "Normaleweise," Heinie says, in his all-knowing tone, "verwenden SEIFE für den Körper." That translates to "one normally uses SOAP for the body".

I guess that would explain why he panicked when I said I cleaned the kitchen floor with the stuff.


Wörterbuch/Dictionary

(cas) Deutsch - German
(das) Haus - building, house
(der) Keller - basement, cellar

(die) Seife - soap
(die) Flüssigseife - liquid soap (for hands)

(das) Geschirr - dishes
(das) Geschirrspülmittel - dishwashing liquid (soap)
(der) Spül-Balsam - dishwashing liquid (soap), but softer for the hands

(das)Waschmittel - laundry detergent (soap)
(die) Wäsche - clothing, laundry

(die) Putzteufel - cleaning fanatic

(der) Reiniger - cleaner

spülen - to rinse
waschen - to wash

Was?!?! -  What?!?!?
Was ist das?  - What is that?

10 Indicators You're Acclimating to Life in Germany

Besides stating the obvious -- the fact that I am sitting at home in a small city in Germany and am not having a panic attack or missing America at all (except for the green chili burritos) -- there are other indicators that I have begun acclimating to life in Germany.

1. Substituting the Y with the Z. In Germany, the letter "Z" is used much more in words than "Y", so their places on the German keyboard are switched. Therefore, I have found myself typing a Z when I wanted a Y, and vice versa. And don't disregard the umlauts (letters ö, ä, and ü). 

2. Baked goods are a new mainstay. Everywhere you go in Germanz (see? I did it again), zou will find a bakery. The German bakery is the most convenient place to get a snack. Pretzels, pizza, Kuchen, rolls, Käsebrötchen, etc. etc. etc. Zou can't eat much of anything fast that doesn't consist of 75% bread.

3. Becoming diabetic is not so far-fetched. This goes with Number 2 above. My bread and flour intake has increased 3,000-fold. Therefore, I could be diabetic. But am I brave enough to go to the doctor to get my blood sugar checked? Not yet. But I will watch for warning signs: extreme thirst, increased weight gain (check), and/or the loss of an eye, limb or digit. 

4. Words that begin with S now begin with "sch". My last name has changed and is now properly pronounced with an "sh" at the beginning. "Snow" is "schnow" and "stuff" is "schtuff." So many German words begin with the "sh" sound that it is logical (and fun!) to pronounced all "S" words that way.  Don't catch yourself schmilink. Aha! Further, "-ing" endinks can now end in "K"! One of my favorite letters. Liebling ist "Lieblink." It's fun to play with the German language.

5. You get used to the crowds. Being brushed or pushed aside on the street or egged on from behind in line at the grocery store used to be so irritating, but now, it's just an accepted part of life in this populated country. I imagine it's worse in China. Therefore, if a German person gets right "up my butt" at Aldi, I simply slow down, make lots of space, and cause them more irritation, unless of course they're sweet old ladies, like me. People can be taught to behave better, maybe, so I try.

6. Cusswords that are very bad in English are acceptable in German, and Scheisse and worse -- the F bomb -- are words I've heard spoken by German children. However... I still prefer not to say any of these bad words too often in either language, simply because my mother would not approve.

7. You have learned, unwillingly, to accept the fact that you may never have an icy cold drink again. You even begin to get used to drinking glasses of Coke or other beverages without ice. Were you expecting a large, icy soda pop to go with your popcorn at the movies? Fuggedaboudit. Oh, and double check your popcorn -- even if you order salty (salzig), the counter person might still give you sweet. Blech. 

8. You're international. Turks and Russians abound. Romanians are everywhere. Italians and Indians walk the streets together. Germany is an international country, with many MANY different kinds of people. Don't even try to imagine you're special (or inferior) because you speak only English or you're American. People come from all over the world to live in Germany, and Americans are just a tiny slice of the international pie. It's great!

9. You can't wait for winter. In Germany, Christmas isn't the best part of the month of December -- it's just one part. There are open air Weihnachtsmärkte in almost every town, and beautiful holiday lights adorn the skies over pedestrian zones. The skies may be dark and gray, and it's cold, but it's a good cold. You can bundle up in scarves and warm jackets, and walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm with a boyfriend OR a girlfriend. There are lighted parades, with children carrying candles, and street musicians whose fingers are subject to frostbite. The atmosphere in Germany in December is warm and lovely, though it may be storming all around. Stop for a Kaffee und Kuchen when you need a break, or get a Glühwein. Better yet, get a Glühwein mit Rum. That'll warm you up!!! 

10. You just might stay. With all the political drama back home, scandals about spying and secret wars, Obamacare and other groans and complaints, being far away from it all in Germany seems like a pretty good idea. That may be shocking to some considering what happened here in the last century; however, people learn from their mistakes (we hope), and now Germany is a welcoming international hub. Germans are smart, they're educated, they show lots of documentaries on television (to be more educated), they're cultured, and they have good pretzels. 

Those are some good reasons to stay... for now, anyway.

Dictionarz/Wörterbuch
Glühwein (mit Rum) - "glow" wine, or mulled wine. Served warm and can have added alcohol options, like rum, cherry brandy, or vodka
Käsebrötchen - cheesy bread or roll
Kuchen - cake
Liebling - loved one (term of endearment)
salzig - salty
Scheisse or Scheiße - shit
Weihnachtsmarkt - Christmas market
Weihnachtsmärkte - Christmas markets

German Stereotypes

Growing up in the USA, we have been exposed to several stereotypes of "typical" Germans. 

The series "Hogan's Heroes" showed us bumbling, nearsighted German officers who were kind when bribed with a chocolate candy bar or outwitted easily by more intelligent Americans. More serious World War II films starring John Wayne or Charles Bronson showed us the rigid, immovable German officer who took it upon himself to punish "good" American military men, with no mercy. Their tactics seemed so cruel and inhuman. A lot of Americans grew up in fear of Germans, if they watched enough of these films. We were led to believe that every German man is a Nazi in the Gestapo. That's just not true.

Another stereotype we grew up with was the beer-drinking, Lederhosen-wearing, fat, blonde German man who toasted his beer Stein and sloshed beer all over himself and his comrades. (As I got older, I realized that not only Germans do such things -- drunks in general tend to be sloppy when they drink.) 

There were milky maidens and singing nuns mixed in with these two male stereotypes, coming from storybooks and movies. Therefore, what we formulated was a picture of German speakers that were either very strict, shouting out commands in their choppy, unmelodic language, or those who were able to raise their own goats and live happily in the green hills of a lovely little Alpine town.

Google "german" in pictures, and this is what you get

Now that I have spent about a year-and-a-half here, I've had the opportunity to meet many real Germans. 

The first thing I can say without doubt is that most Germans I've met live in very clean houses. They maintain order inside and out; they sweep their sidewalks, they leave their shoes at the door, they have (lots of) rules about where things are put and how things are cleaned. 

And things are cleaned quite often. Germany is a very tidy country, and except for the occasional cigarette butt, blowing paper scraps or graffiti, you won't find much trash on streets or sidewalks. 

As far as the beer-drinking, leather-clad German stereotype goes, I have encountered very few like that, except in Munich, where there were so many people of all ages dressed in dirndls and lederhosen ("Trachten") that it was a feast for the eyes. Even young men my son's age wore the complete outfit, not just as a costume. It was how they dressed for festivals and special occasions, or maybe on a daily basis. I tried to picture my 25-year-old son doing the same, but I don't think he would honor such a tradition, unless a pretty German girl convinced him he should. 

In Bavaria, there are also lots of loud, sloshing beer drinkers gathered in one place at Oktoberfest, and that didn't bother me at all, except that we had trouble finding a place to sit down to drink and slosh our own beer.

As stated above, there is more order in a household in Germany, and if you create chaos, you might get yelled at. For example, where I live, I must clean and tidy after myself, just as I did at home in the States -- nothing's different. However, there is now a German following my every move and often looking over my shoulder, even when I do the smallest things, like placing recyclable bottles into a plastic bag or putting groceries into the refrigerator. Though I am of an advanced adult age, the German believes that perhaps I can't handle such tasks without his supervision.

You can make lots of mistakes in Germany, so be careful. Just this morning when I was about to spread some Leberwurst on my toast with a knife containing micro-molecules of butter, I heard loudly from across the table, "Keine Butter an der Wurst!" 

My worst experience with Germans so far was at the grocery store. I pulled up in front of the store on my bicycle after work. I locked my bicycle by the flower cart and walked into the store to buy a few things. After just a couple of minutes, I came back out and began unlocking my bicycle with the goods packed into my school bag, which was over my shoulder. When I had pulled up, two older German men were chatting by the cars parked in front of the store. They were still there when I was unlocking the bike. Behind me, customers were coming and going, and I felt the movement of the flower cart, so I assumed the one of the clerks was taking it inside. 

After only a few seconds, I heard, "Hallo. Haaaalllloooo. HAAAAALLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The old men were yelling at ME! 

I had no idea what I had done until I turned around. The flower cart was rolling, alone, toward the cars parked in front the store. It occurred to me that I had bumped the cart with my bag, though ever so lightly. 

I was dumbfounded, motionless, and couldn't have stopped the cart if I tried. 

Then, by some act of God, the cart turned so that it was parallel lengthwise to the cars, and it went right between two of them, not touching either one. Not even a scratch. 

As I pulled the cart back up onto the walkway in front of the store, one of the old German guys was giving me the dirtiest look I've ever seen ANYWHERE. But the grocery store manager came out and was apologizing profusely. 

Later, as I reviewed the whole thing in my mind, I wondered why neither one of those old farts bothered to stop the cart or help me catch it. (It is here that I would interject cusswords, but I will abstain.) I don't know which German rule I violated that day, if any except for recklessness. Ever since, the flower cart has its wheels in LOCK position when placed outside. 

It's a good thing real Germans have mostly good characteristics. Being ordentlich, bossy, micro-managing, cruel and inhumane will get you only so far.

Halloween in Germany

Ach. My first Halloween in Germany. Etwas enttäuschend!

Last year, I was circling Great Britain around Halloween, because in Europe, you can zip off to foreign countries without spending very much money at all. I visited my "twin" Alan in Dublin, who was born on almost the same day as me, and then I headed south to England.

Halloween costume Norfolk-style

On Halloween Day 2012, I was in Norfolk, happily thrift shopping at King's Lynn charity stores with Joan -- an incredible woman and the sister of my entertaining friend Rob (photo above). Joan and I had a great day together. In addition to finding the best used clothing on the planet, we saw some little British trick-or-treaters, and stores were handing out candy. Though Halloween isn't celebrated in England quite like it is in the States, it didn't bother me that I missed it, because I wasn't at home. Anyway, retail therapy and a good cup of tea with Joan satisfied my every need. I even got my picture taken with a real bobby! 

And everyone spoke English. That's a plus.

Handsome bobby and me

Fast Forward: Heidelberger Halloween, late October 2013

This year, I would be in Germany on Halloween, and I would make the best of it. 

At school, we had a Halloween party on our last day before fall break. For some of the kids -- all of whom are at least half German or have grown up here -- it was their first Halloween celebration. They dressed up for our Halloween parade and party, and one little girl even came dressed in her witch costume a day early. Fellow teachers, classroom assistants, and one 10th grader helped decorate our lunchroom, making it frightening with the lights down low. We had kid-manufactured spiders and bats hanging from the ceiling, monster cookies, grape eyeballs, a floating hand in a pitcher of juice (thanks, Frau Bell!), bloody fingers (hot dogs and ketchup), rubber snakes and spiders, and other adornments. 

Just a small representation of the infinitesimal amount of Halloween frights at school

As chief American (the only American) and master of ceremonies, I let the kids in one at a time so they could soak up the ambience of the spooky stuff... and then we turned on the lights and blew out the candles. Kids wrapped their parents and classmates as mummies (with toilet paper), we played Hot Pumpkin (a version of Hot Potato), and we danced a little. Because it was the last day before a break, everyone over the age of 10 was pretty exhausted, except the kids of course, who played hide the IKEA rat 20 times before they grew tired of that game. 

Okay, so the buildup to Halloween wasn't so bad. There was active participation and it felt like Halloween, mostly. Our room decor topped any I've seen at any school ANYWHERE, and we even had a flying red-eyed bat. 

But you know that sometimes, with too much anticipation and great expectations, the letdown can be frightful.

HALLOWEEN - October 31, 2013, Viernheim, Germany

The day before Halloween, I bought three small, undernourished pumpkins (bad crop this year?), and we brought them home to carve. Surprising, the 4-pound pumpkins were easy to work with and cake to scoop out, for they had hardly any guts. After carving and lighting the two scary faces and a Halloween lights pumpkin, I felt our front walkway would be welcoming enough to little German varmints out on Halloween night. Or... we might not get any trick-or-treaters whatsoever! I had no experience with these matters, and Heinie, who told me we could wait to buy candy until Halloween, was no help at all. He knew NUTHINK. 

Alas, that was the entire problem. I had no help at all. 

Certain enough, the skies of Viernheim grew dark, and the howling and barking of dogs became rampant. Before I could complain twice that there weren't enough children filling the sidewalks of our neighborhood like they do back home at dusk, I saw little bandits dressed in dark clothing approaching! 

By this time, I had begun imbibing, because the resident ghoul at home was not talking to me (bad day at work and bad mood for the day), and I was far, far away from home on one of my favorite holidays. 

Perhaps the Germans don't understand. Obviously, Heinie hadn't a clue. Halloween is the spooky precursor to November: the month of my favorite Uncle Martin's birthday, Day of the Dead, the birthdays of many of my Scorpio friends, and then Thanksgiving!!!! Halloween a time that arachnids enjoy. Scorpions have a knack for scaring the crap out of people, and I am no exception. 

My drinking days behind me, I became quite intoxicated on one or two (or three?) Liquid Valiums (Crown Royal and Amaretto). Children were walking up the driveway and were about to ring. I had to frighten them, and being a drunk, middle-aged American woman in the middle of Germany was not enough! Thank goodness my Halloween CD was still in the player, and my sister had mailed a large bag of candy corn with my birthday shipment. I tore open the bag, filling a bowl, and I hit the play button on the stereo. 

Opening the door, I found 5 or 6 older children, mostly dressed in black. I couldn't tell what their costumes were, but mostly they had ghoulish masks. Perfect. I dug into the bowl of candy corn and adorned them and their bags with it, explaining what it was. I knew Germans were unfamiliar with candy corn. What I wouldn't have done for some individually-wrapped Gummi Bears, or even Snickers at that moment, but oh, well. One child said he didn't have a Tüte, and he opened up his hands to receive the candy. Not a one of them said "Trick or Treat," but it was a beautiful moment nonetheless.

Candy corn - difficult to find in Germany

After the kids left and I wished them "Happy Halloween," I stepped outside the door to listen for more. It sounded as if the streets of Viernheim were now overrun with little ghouls. I heard screams and loud gasps. I heard parents speaking in muffled German. I'd better get my scare ready once more. 

Children continued to visit our doorstep, and I counted about 20 or 30 kids. Not too shabby for a first Halloween overseas, but there were problems. 

The candy was not wrapped - a BIG no-no in America, because of all the razor blade and poison scares. I wonder if that razor blade thing was just a lie purported by the news media, backed by the candy manufacturers, so homemade popcorn balls and cookies would be banned from the Halloween bag? (That is a question calling for more research.)

I had no help. It would have been great to employ the services of the big ghoul with whom I reside. He has lots of scary knives, and he is tall enough to hold the red-eyed bat over the heads of the children. Or he could jump out from behind a corner and scare the living daylights out of young German children. Before Halloween came, he said he would help, but on the day of, there were barely words spoken. Das geht nicht. 

Next Halloween, we WILL have pre-wrapped, wahrscheinlich American candy for Halloween. And I'm either going to get some help scaring the children, or I'm fleeing the country. Shopping in England is a good option. 

Even better? Home for Halloween. It's not unheard of, is it? 

If I sound spoiled to you -- as if I should be satisfied with the German Halloween I had -- you're right. 

Halloween, since I was a little girl, was a favorite holiday. How else do you rake in a whole BAG of candy, all in one night?! No waiting for the Easter bunny. Trick-or-treating and other Halloween shenanigans were what we kids lived for every fall. 

As an adult, I began minor frightening from inside my front door after my son was old enough to trick-or-treat on his own and didn't want me around, dressing up in doom and playing scary music when the children rang. That progressed to setting up haunted houses in every place I lived in Colorado to a full-fledged haunted western town one year, with help from 20 of my best friends. Those were the days.

So yes, I'm spoiled. 

I know Viernheim isn't big on Halloween... yet. But we can change all that.

Happy November.

Dictionary

Das geht nicht. - That will not do.

etwas enttäuschend - somewhat disappointing

die Tüte - the bag (candy, paper, etc.)

wahrscheinlich - probably

Living in Germany, Still

Boy, there's a lot of complaining back home. All the anger seems to be directed at one man: the U.S. President. It's his fault people can't feed their children; it's his fault they have to pay for medical insurance; it's his fault they have no job; because of him, they can't possess guns (even though that is not the case!); it's his fault that life sucks in general. Everything that is wrong with their lives is attributable to Barack Obama. When and why did the U.S. become a country with so much vitriol? Why do its citizens whine and complain so much? Why aren't things getting fixed? Why is there so much dissatisfaction, which spreads from person to person in epidemic proportions? Obama can be blamed for those problems, as well, I'm sure. It's all his fault. Poor guy -- he's just one man!

In Germany, there are also complaints about the government. There are complaints about everything, just like in the U.S. In fact, I find that certain Germans beschweren und schimpfen more than anyone I've ever met. However, now that I've been here for 18 full months, I can say that living in Germany is really pretty good, and I'd recommend it to anyone. Let me tell you about some benefits.

Vacation Days. In the U.S., the standard is 10 vacation days, or two weeks, per year. I'm a teacher, so I get more free days no matter what, but in Germany, people with "regular" full-time jobs get at least 30 paid vacation days, or six weeks. It's higher in certain other European countries and the longer you are at your job. My 26-year-old friend Alina is the manager of a drugstore -- a normal job, you might say. She just got back from a trip to the beach in Turkey; after that, she was able to travel to Luxembourg for an overnight stay. In the summer, she went to Croatia. It's really beneficial to mind, body and spirit to be able to take several two-week vacations per year. It helps deter burnout. 

Health Insurance/Tax Benefits. First of all, the system here works. Before I came over, I heard rumors that taxes were exorbitant, and I would be going to a socialist country (however terrible or true that is, I can't tell). Just over one-third of my pay, or 37%, goes to taxes and retirement. However, when I go to the doctor or dentist, visits are free, unless I need something extra (like a higher-quality filling than the insurance will pay for). Eye doctor visits are free as well. Medications only require a small copay of 5 or 10 euros. 

Further, sales tax on purchases, including food and clothing, etc. is included or non-existent. Therefore, I know exactly how much I am spending. There are no surprises at the cash register.

Other wonderful benefits come from my tax money, including the maintenance of and free admission into national landmarks, parks, castles and ruins, and very clean streets and efficient transportation and government. 

Over the summer, I was jobless, so I was encouraged to apply for unemployment, which is a given in Germany. I received enough to live on for three months, even though I was only working here for one year before I applied. 

Groceries are cheap! and food is fresher. In most case, it doesn't travel so far to get to stores, and there are what we would call "farmer's" markets almost every weekend in most towns. You can read on labels where your food comes from, and Ursprung: Deutschland means it was grown right here in-country.

A beautiful selection of pumpkins and gourds at the Weinheim Markt

When I first got to Germany, I was poorer than I am now. The economy in the U.S. was pretty terrible. My job there had pooped out, and I couldn't find anything else substantial (thus the move overseas for work). After selling almost everything of value, I still had to borrow money to get to Germany. Then I had to borrow money here for housing. I didn't get my first paycheck until almost two months after I started my first job. Therefore, I had to live on a budget of about 20 to 30 euros a week for food, after all my other expenses were paid.

However, that amount is plenty to buy coffee, milk for your coffee, toilet paper, good bread, and apples, which are mostly grown locally. Milk purportedly comes from the Alps (there are beautiful black and white cows on green pastures in the mountains on the cartons), bread from the bakery around the corner, apples from Süddeutschland, and the toilet paper comes from recycled products (see recycling below). You can go to the butcher and buy sausages and more sausages freshly ground that day and spend only a few euros. Leberwurst -- a mainstay in my diet -- ist cheap and delicious. Bakeries are even billiger. If you don't get food from Germany, it usually comes from sunny countries nearby such as France, Italy, and the Netherlands.

Beef is expensive, as well as corn tortillas, which are difficult to locate. If you want good Mexican food, it's costly if you cook it yourself with "imported" items from the grocery store, such as black beans and taco shells. But alas, I digress. Those are negative aspects about Germany.

Recycling. I always thought that if I went into politics, the first thing I would do is make recycling mandatory. It's so beneficial for the planet, and it creates lots of jobs. In Germany, we recycle paper, containers, food, and plastic bottles. You get 15 or 25 cents for each bottle you return, including glass beer bottles in many cases. There are paper, "Bio," and Restmüll bins out on the street, which are picked up regularly. Even your used paper towels can go into the paper bin, and your orange peels and other organic stuff go into the Bio container. At home, we have less real garbage than recyclable containers-- such as tin cans and milk cartons, and these go into "yellow sacks" and are placed out on the street about once every two weeks in big piles all over Germany. You need a lot of space in your kitchen or storeroom for all the items you recycle, but it's worth it. I feel ashamed when I am too lazy to walk my Apfel core out to the Bio bin, because in our house, we don't have a container for that. 

Banking. To handle bills in Germany, you use your bank account. You pay and get paid electronically. It saves a lot of paper and is very efficient. Since I've been here, I have also acquired a German credit card where my monthly payments are 10% of my total balance. That works for me. They just doubled my credit limit! I don't think I can get into too much trouble financially, because I just don't have the expenses I had back home. So far I don't have an automobile, because I can walk, ride a bike or take a train most anywhere I need to go, so that eliminates hundreds in payments, insurance, and gas. I would like a car, but right now, it doesn't make fiduciary sense. 

Ich vermisse mein Auto, aber...

Public Transportation. For reasons stated above, public transportation is very beneficial. Sure, it's like riding the bus; sometimes people stink, babies cry, and others talk too loud, but for economics and efficiency, it's great. Bring a book and an iPod, and you're all set. I can travel in a streetcar ("tram") to work and back home without much hassle at all -- the biggest worry is getting to my stop on time. If I want to go to Berlin or Hamburg, I can do that, too, on a bigger, faster train with comfier seats. I miss my car and my car stereo, but in Germany, it's hard to find a parking place sometimes, so you have to consider that. And walking can keep you fit, if you don't eat too many sausages and scrumptious Brötchen.

I'm sure there are more benefits to life in Germany, but for now, that's enough. It was a big adjustment living here at first, but now, I kinda like it. 

Come visit anytime!

Dictionary

der Apfel - (the) apple

beschweren - to complain

billig(er) - cheap(er)
die Brötchen - (the) rolls

ist - is

die Leberwurst - (the) liverwurst

der Restmüll - (the) garbage

schimpfen - to "bitch" or swear
Süddeutschland - southern Germany
Ursprung: Deutschland - origin: Germany